So last night was Halloween and I thought it was going to go well, but boy was I wrong. I have to give you a little backstory first. Halloween has not been a very enjoyable holiday for me, and I tend to get very anxious around Halloween. During Halloween 2014, I also had a panic attack. During this attack, I felt at the overwhelming sense of Satanic forces doing rituals that night. It was scary. I felt a lot of dark energy running rampant out there. On Halloween 2014, I had a very strong past life memory come back to me that started me down a rabbit hole that I still haven't gotten to the bottom of. Before that Halloween, I had heard of the Negative Alien Agenda's ties to satanic esoteric societies, But it wasn't until this day two years ago that I realized how central these forces are in our everyday world, and in my personal world in lives past.
Anyway, when sensing these dark forces on Halloween night 2014, my mind sparked a past life memory. All of a sudden I was in Elizabethan England at a Satanic ritual happening on Halloween night in the center of the hedge maze at Hampton Court Palace and attended by an elder Queen Elizabeth I herself. It was very cold that night. I am wearing an ornate corseted woman's gown but my chest was uncovered, and I can feel the nip of the cold night air on my bare chest. What happened there at that ritual was horrible and I don't want to dwell on the details in this post. I will tell that whole story another day.
I realized over the course of the memory and then meditating on it with my guides, that there are a lot of very bad ritualistic and esoteric events that happen every Halloween. Negative spirits are truly afoot. And I personally, of course, have suffered plenty of personal trauma on Halloweens past.
This Halloween we had planned on going to Milo's cousin's house to go trick-or-treating. We have been counting down the days on the calendar until Halloween. We all had costumes and we had been really looking forward to this day. However as the day approached, I began to feel a little anxious. My mother and brother decided to come with us, and I might also add that my mother and my brother also lived in that Elizabethan lifetime, along with Milo. As we are approaching leaving our house for the night, I began to feel the anxiety rising. My husband is bad at helping me whenever I'm in distress. If I am in a good place emotionally, he is the best husband ever. However, he has some evolving to do in the realm of emotional intelligence. He does not know how to be there for me when I need him emotionally. He is there for me in almost every other way, such as physically and financially (and for that I am grateful and I know he is my true soul mate), but he is not able to be there for me emotionally yet (he doesn't know what to say or do and always says/does the wrong thing) and as an extremely emotional person, it is really hard for me. This current reality of our relationship really triggers me and pushes me over the edge if I am feeling weak. This Halloween, the perfect storm was brewing.
The negativity and emotions associated with Halloween are too much for me to handle and definitely too much for Jesse to handle. Even if I consciously choose to "have a good night" or "not let it affect me", the gravity of these cellular memories begin to rise up regardless. The panic reaction started on in the car ride to cousin's house. Both kids were crying hysterically, and hearing their desperate tones sent me into adrenal reaction panic mode. I started crying and panicking, and the Extreme Emotional Outburst had begun. I began feeling a pressure in my chest, the inability to breathe, my extremities tingling from lack of oxygen and a ringing in my ears. An immense feeling of utter dread. Now, it's me and two babies crying hysterically. A downward spiral. Jesse could not help me, which made me feel worse. The hysteria only ended when I was able to salvage enough presence of mind to start hard-core commanding my personal space, shielding myself and children and the entire car. I used the mantra, "I COMMAND MY PERSONAL SPACE" "I COMMAND A SHIELD AROUND THIS CAR." I said these mantras hundreds of times. It began to work and I fully intended and envisioned the shield around our car and our connection to Source and the angels. As I took back my power, both children stopped crying and fell asleep. Jesse and I had a long tedious conversation once again about my issues and my fears about Halloween and how we need to stay together and stay spiritually strong that night.
We got to the party and everything started out OK. We changed into our costumes (Milo was a firefighting Dalmatian named Marshall, Jesse was a skeleton, I was a black cat, and Maisy was a baby black cat...see pictures) We ate chili and had some wine. We were doing pretty well until the actual trick-or-treating started. My mom and brother showed up, and we all left with Maisy in the stroller and Milo so excited to go trick-or-treating for his first time with his cousin. Upon leaving the house, I immediately felt anxious and knew I couldn't walk around in the dark and freezing cold. I was experiencing a reboot of the adrenal panic reaction happening (I have no explanation for it other than past life memories) so I went back to the house and stayed there. I didn't even want to answer the door for trick-or-treaters, because I just couldn't even deal with anything. I was that freaked out.
From my perspective, this emotional reaction is 100% rooted in past life memories for me and pieces of myself which are still chained up screaming deep in my unconscious. At 6:00, they left to go trick-or-treating. At 6:10, I went running back to the house. I just wanted to go home. I didn't hear anything from Jesse, so I texted him at 7:00, and we agreed that he would come back by 8:00 and that we would leave immediately. However, unbeknownst to me, Jesse instead began taking this swigs of whiskey from a flask that his cousin had brought. They ended up staying out until 8:30. Between 6:00 and 8:30, my panic had been rising. By the time we actually got in the car to go home at 8:45, I was in full blown panic mode. Jesse was too drunk to drive home and completely unable to emotionally support me. I drove home pretty much freaking out the entire time, not being able to feel my hands and my legs. I was even too weak to command my personal space and all I could feel was deep and hollow sadness, panic, anger at Jesse for making it so much harder on me. I just kept asking the angels to be with us, and just let us get home safely. Which we did.
Upon getting home. I was very angry and exhausted. I was furious at Jesse because he was so unable to support me and I felt abandoned spiritually and emotionally. This is our main reoccurring relationship problem. I ended up locking myself in my bedroom and screaming at the top of my lungs, thinking, "I'm so glad it's Halloween or else the neighbors would think somebody's getting murdered here." but at the end of the night, I just needed to scream to just get that frustrated emotions, pain and anger out.
The moral of the story is that the time is now to heal all the pieces of ourselves. The painful pieces which we are still unconscious of. The pieces of us that are still chained up screaming. The pressure is on us to evolve. To clear these past life pains and memories. To call back all the pieces of ourselves. For this, I suggest any heartfelt version of the Return to Rightful Owner command.